Ennui ?

I am sitting here in the department working on a couple of presentations that I have to give on Monday. I don't know why it unfailingly happens on Friday evenings, but it does. With a slightly messed up schedule, I usually start my day in the afternoons. This means, that as I get into the day's work, people are packing to leave.

And, as it used to even four years ago when I was in my freshman year, Friday evenings still evoke this feeling of emptiness in me. Despite parties, movies, eating out, friends, beaches, novels, music, TV and what not, I still am left with this feeling that slowly grows on you till you are at a despondent ebb. Then it slowly washes away, and you seem to get over it. But no, its still lurking around the corner, waiting for another weekend to annouce itself. The whole process lasts, sometimes the whole evening, sometimes half an hour. Sometimes, when I just get so inebriated with whatever I am doing that evening, I don't seem to notice. But its there all the same.

Today, I sat in the department working on the presentations, when a colleague who was dropping by, reminded me of the Olympics opening ceremony. Having completely forgotten it, I tried in vain to see if there was a live netcast. Didn't seem to be there. That seemed to trigger the thing. Within minutes I found myself questioning the very purpose of an existence that didn't seem to have meaning. I wondered why I was doing all this.

I think back on a recent post that I had titled Monday evenings. Though, it was born out of my own feelings, I think a post titled Friday evenings would have been more apt. Would have really reflected how I felt about it. It was Monday evening, just because I wrote that on a Monday.

Well, thats all. No conclusions. No inferences. I am just working it out of my system with some Enya and some Blogging. Wanted to chronicle what I felt. So, there you go.

posted by RamV at 20:17 :: Permalink :: Blog This